Thursday, June 11, 2009

The other me

I haven't been me lately. I've been the other me. It seems like I cry over anything and everything. Stacy showed me pictures of Connor and Caleb playing T-ball and the tears just started. All I could think about is how proud Jay would be of those little guys.
I went back home to watch my nephew Jesse graduate from high school last Saturday. There were 37 kids in his class. The salutitorian was a young man who spoke to the crowd about God and how he needed God in his life. I cried. It was awesome that he would talk openly to everyone about God. It was also awesome that the principle and school board allowed him to reference God in his speech. So many schools wouldn't allow that. I cried when the validictorian spoke about choices. That every day we have a choice to be happy or not. Every day it is our choice to have a good attitude or not. Then, as each graduates name was called, they stood up and walked out into the crowd to find their parents, siblings, grandparents and who ever they wanted to hug and thank. I cried each time. And the weird part is that Jesse is the only kid I knew. But I cried. After the graduation we went to my brothers house for a bbq. A good friend of my mom and dad's was there. Alice is such a nice lady. Her husband Bob died less than a year ago. Alice and I visited for a long time. And we both hugged and cried. On Sunday when we were at my family's church, Father Charles had us sing "Here I am Lord." Well the tears started and wouldn't stop. Then when Father Charles told the people that he was being moved to The Dalles parish in two weeks, I cried some more. On the 5 hour trip back home there were tears that snuck out every now and again. I like to go places but coming home is sometimes hard. Even tho I love it at home, it is hard because Jay isn't here. But once we are home and life as we know it now returns, the little guys come out and then there are smiles. I was fine until I started to write this. Now I am cryin' again. I think there is one more chocolate hershey with almond bar in the pantry. I think I will eat it and maybe I will feel better.


CeAnne said...

Gods ways are inscrutable but He indeed has us in mind. When two people love each other this much it is a wonderful thing especially in these times. I admire those couples.

"As you remember
me know that I am not gone, for I
am always a part of you.
When you remember something
that I had taught you, know that I
am near.
In your eyes, habits and mannerisms I am there.
For in you I have left me.
When you are lonely and feeling
down, say a little prayer for I
will always hear it.
And when you need a hug from
me just look in the mirror
and see that I am there."

Auntie Joy said...

I totally hear what your saying... Sometimes it just sneaks up on you and you can't believe this is the life you are living... Where did the real one go??

etromero said...

Hugs to you and my prayers.


hoosier homemaker said...

I have followed your blog for a long time. I think you have done a marvelous job in this past year and a half or so. You do so much for and with your family and it is obvious that they love you so much.

You need to give yourself credit for how far you've come and give yourself a break when you just plain feel broken hearted.

I admire you for how far you've come.